The September meeting of the 750 Club was mandatory for all the main protagonist members, and Buck was upset with his author for sending him. He was on vacation, at least that was what his author said, and anyway—Char was the big deal now. “Buck, take a couple of weeks off,” he said. “I won’t be writing about you for awhile.”
“So why do I have to go to the meeting?”
“Char’s busy, listen take the limo,” he said. “Have fun, and see what this new R-CAT can do.”
The guest speaker for the 750 Club was Tony Baretta, big time Virgo loser. He was at the Dias, babbling away, and was the last person Buck wanted to hear talk about anything. “As Virgo characters, you are cautious, conservative, and reserved. Though some have trouble sharing their feelings and thoughts—”
With his eyes locked on Tony, Buck leaned into Morgan Albright, who shared Bucks birth date and was the only character he knew at the meeting. “Listen to him, he had no trouble sharing, he allegedly killed his wife and got away with it. Watch this.” Buck pointed the device at Tony Baretta and he went silent—frozen in time.
Morgan laughed. “Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time.”
Buck laughed louder and pressed the button again. He got the evil eye from Baretta, who continued where he left off. “You maintain very intimate and open relationships with your close friends and loved ones.”
Buck thought about that, he had an open relationship with his true love Char, but he shoved two fingers down his throat anyway pretending to barf. Tony kept up his babble. “You desire stability, and may even be stubborn…”
Buck had heard enough and gave Morgan a light jab with his elbow. “I don’t know about you, but I’m out of here. Virgos is opening tonight, and I hear that Hendrix will be there.”
“First birthday drink is on me,” Morgan said. “Let’s go.”
“Excuse me, Buck, I’m Carla Santos. I overheard you two talking, and it’s my birthday too.”
“Well hop in then. Hey Morgan, meet Carla.”
The limo dropped Buck, Morgan, and Carla in front of Soprano’s, a red carpet ran from the curb to the front door. A man in a jester outfit stood by the front door. He was doing a jig when the trio approached. He snapped his wrist, and a parchment rolled out. “Welcome to Virgo’s, opening night September 18, Murder Mystery Night.” The Jester looked at Buck and Morgan and then winked at Carla. “Virgos only.” He then held out a small ornate velvet bag, and said, “Reach in for your surprise.”
Buck looked at Morgan, “What the hell,” When he pulled his hand out, a gold band with the word, SAFE was on his wrist. Morgan and Carla followed, and the same thing happened.
“Wow three for three, happy birthday, I’m Fred Willard and you three drink for free tonight.”
“How did you know, and what does SAFE mean?” asked Buck.
Fred smiled at them. “The magic bag knows all, and you also get to live another day.”
Buck, Morgan, and Carla headed for the entrance. “Who’s Fred Willard?” asked Buck.
“That’s Hank MacDougall,” said Morgan. “You know, from Everyone Loves Raymond.”
Inside the front door, Tony Soprano greeted all the customers. He and the beautiful brunette hanging off his arm, both had gold bracelets too.
“Who’s that with Tony?” Morgan asked Buck.
“That is Jeana Keough, Playboy model. They don’t get character names in the magazine.” Buck looked around the club, almost everyone there had a born on date of September 18th, Greta Garbo was singing and Carl Friedberg was at the piano. Lance Armstrong leaned against the bar talking to Ryan Sanberg, and Frankie Avalon. They all had gold SAFE bracelets on too. Hendrix, off to the side, was tuning his guitar, he had a platinum band. Jada Pinket Smith and her husband were at a table with XZIBIT and Ice Cube. Only Jada and XZIBIT had gold bands.
“Hey Buck, Carla said. “Who’s that mean looking guy arguing with Tony Soprano?”
“I think its Frank Nitti from the Untouchables, but he also looks like Ramon Cota from Delta Force 2. Billy Drago played both characters in the movies. How do they even do that?”
“I don’t know either Buck,” said Morgan. “Who plays you?”
“Don’t know, my role isn’t completely written yet. For all I know, it could be Charlie Sheen.” Buck made a crazy person gesture with his hand. “But I’ll tell you this, if your author doesn’t describe you good—watch out. Look at what happened to Michele Maxwell. Forget the blonde hair, Romijn isn’t even a Virgo. Now, Laura Vandervoort, there’s a Virgo who has interchangeable hair.”
“Let’s see what’s going on over by Tony,” Morgan said.
“Hey Tony, what’s up with Nitti?” asked Buck.
“SOB is pissed that Hendrix is here,” Tony said. “And that he didn’t get a gold SAFE bracelet. I told him Hendrix died on September 18th, and that makes him a Virgo in my book.
“Thanks, Tony,” said Buck. “Jimi was the best.”
“Hey Buck,” Tony winked. “If that Tony Baretta character shows up, he ain’t getting a SAFE either. Stick around, it’s gonna be more than a Murder Mystery. Bada bing bada boom!”
Hendrix took the stage and opened with a medley of If a Six was Nine, right into Purple Haze, and ended with Castles made of Sand.
“Encore Jimi—do it,” yelled Buck.
“Yeaaaah—” said Hendrix. “This is for all you birthday celebrators.” Hendrix ended with his rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.
No one noticed when Buck pointed the R-CAT. In fact, no one cared that Frank Nitti and Tony Baretta were dead and leaking, slumped over at their table, with matching forehead tattoos.
Tony Soprano winked at Buck, as he, Carla and Morgan left Virgos. “Hey, Buck… Dragon at 1600, is gonna be a winner.